Discover the True You with a Life Values Inventory

life values inventory

Do you know your life values? Maybe you do in a vague sense. But how intentional are you in guiding your life by them? Are you even sure they are your values? Have you done a life values inventory to check that they are still relevant? Or that they are just some romantic concept you think you should embrace?

Why is a current Life Values Inventory so Important?

Most of our values have been derived from our childhood and either the things our parents thought were important or not important. We carried them into our adult life as a way to either blend in with our family or to rebel against our family. As an adult, we often hold on to them without the knowledge of why they are important to us.  By refreshing our life values inventory, we will be able to see if we are blindly following past beliefs, or if we truly want these values to dictate our life.

What happens if you are following outdated beliefs?

Inner conflict, that what.  Inner conflict is made up of doing one thing but feeling the opposite. Often, inner conflict is what make achieving a goal so difficult, or making a decision just not feel right.

Let’s say you grew up going to church each Sunday. As an adult, you have a choice to go and still do. But, when Sunday morning comes, you are reluctant to get out of bed, kind of cranky, and just not excited to go. Now, you would think that your life value was to be a good Christian, you would be happy to go. You would look forward to embracing your life value each Sunday (and probably other days of the week too). Maybe this just isn’t your life value.

Maybe your life value is feeling like you are a part of nature and you would much rather spend your Sunday hiking. Maybe you feel more fulfilled by that activity (I’m not saying you can’t enjoy both, this is just an example).

Now you are in conflict between what you think you should do and what would be more fulfilling to do. A person can live for years not living their values and meeting their deepest needs.

By taking a life values inventory, they are able to determine what is most fulfilling and then seeking ways to live it.

Your Life Values Determine Who You are Are

Evaluating your life values can have some consequences. What if you discover you and your partner have different life values? What if you have different life values than your family? What then?

That can be the scary part because we are faced with the awareness that we might not be compatible. Most likely, you already knew that but didn’t want to deal with it. My answer is, so what? We don’t always have the exact same life values as the person we are in a relationship with or with the family we were born into. That is just part of what makes people different. It may be that you are incompatible with 3 out of 10 life values of your partner. If those are deal breakers for you then you have a decision to make. If they aren’t, then work it out and find a compromise. That’s just part of relationships.

Part of building closer relationships is knowing what the other person’s life values are so you can understand their actions and behaviors.

Take for example, that your spouse likes to hang out with their friends a lot. It bothers you because you feel jealous. What if you knew that friendship building was one of their life values – that it was very fulfilling to them.  Then, instead of being threatened, you could work on ways to help them achieve that life value. By understanding what is important to others allows you to be part of the experience instead of it coming between you.

To be scared to take a life value inventory is only keeping you in the dark regarding who you are and what’s important to you. You can not truly be happy if you don’t know or won’t look at what will make you happy.  It is self-sabotage to keep yourself in the dark. You can only be free when you know who you truly are.


If you would like to take a life value inventory, Mike Bundrant at iNLP Center can assist you. Or, consider taking a Life Coach training to learn how to assist other in understanding their life value.

The Negative Effects of Overcoming Obstacles

Overcoming obstacles

Ugh! I’m sure having a hard time staying motivated with all the obstacles in my way!  Overcoming obstacles can really mess up your ability to stay motivated to achieving goals. So often it seems the obstacles outweigh the desire to meet the goal.

However, we often don’t get to decide if we really want to meet the goal. Many times is just part of our daily job. We have to accomplish that day’s work and there’s not such a huge reward that offsets the hassle of the obstacles.

Those are little goals – getting through each day, making sure things get done and aren’t left behind.

It’s hard to talk about meeting goals without addressing motivation. Motivation is the mental energy thing that keeps us going. When overcoming obstacles, motivation is key. Or so we think.

Overcoming Obstacles Questions

Where do we put our emphasis, on the goal or the obstacle?

Does the goal or the obstacle require more motivation?

How do we create the motivation?

How can we stay motivated when our goal is pretty mundane?

These are all questions we should be asking ourselves at the beginning of the day. The answers may give a clue to overcoming obstacles.

How Seeing, Hearing and Feeling Can Keep Your Motivated

Let’s take the goal of cleaning our house. Actually, that is a verb, not a noun and a goal is a noun. So, let’s restate that – My goal is to have a clean house. That sounds much better and a lot less work!

Obviously, even though we’ve restated the goal, it does still require action to have a clean house. However,  I’m not faced with a goal that “feels” like work. Because of this, I don’t have the dread going into it.

Now, let’s think about what I have to do to “have a clean house”.

  1. I have to de-clutter.
  2. I have to dust
  3. I have vacuum
  4. I have to do the dishes

What’s keeping me from getting this done? I want to have a clean house but the idea of doing all these things are causing me to feel overwhelmed. All I can hear is myself telling me how, “It’s no big deal, just get up and do them.” Then I look around and it’s such a mess that I’m like “ugh!”

How do I motivate myself to reach my goal with this list of things I feel, hear and see? I am trying to motivate myself from drawing the negatives. I am assuming that by thinking about those things I will somehow be inspired. Yeah, maybe inspired to go to Starbucks!

Now, let’s flip that motivation.

Let’s make the motivation be the goal. The goal is, “I want a clean house”. Ahh, peace again.

How do I feel when I think of a clean house? I feel relaxed and calm.

What do I see when I think of a clean house? I see order, everything tidy, myself relaxing on the couch.

What do I hear when I think of a clean house? I hear the sounds of the birds and the trees outside.

Now, that’s more inspiring!

I want those things. I want to experience relaxing, calmness, order, nature sounds.

Of course, I still have to complete the things that must be done to achieve the goal of a clean house. But, now I can draw my inspiration and motivation from the positive effects of having a clean house. Overcoming obstacles does not even factor into the equation.

This is a big difference in how we experience motivation and, ultimately, life. Do we continue to be motivated by the negatives, the stick, or choose to be motivated by the positive, the carrot? (Zen Motivation at iNLPCenter.org)

This scenario was about a small daily goal. But, imagine applying it to larger goals that take more time to accomplish. Focusing on the negative motivation can really take its toll on you.

Asking yourself those simple questions about the obstacles and the goals will allow you to become clearer about where to seek your motivation.

Remember, the questions are simply –

  1. What do I see?
  2. What do I hear?
  3. What do I feel?

Answer those about each, then decide for yourself which you’d rather have your motivation be.


The concept of seeing, hearing and feeling as a way to understand yourself is taken from the NLP concept of VAK. VAK represents visual, auditory, and kinesthetic. When we acknowledge all three in each experience we are having, we can better understand ourselves better. VAK is very interesting and can really change your life!

You can also use VAK to learn how to stop making bad choices and learn good decision strategies skills. These are great resource articles for VAK.

Healing Your Child Self Journal Template Instructions

Access the journal template here if you’re ready to begin immediately. To learn how it works, click here. Otherwise, scroll down for instructions.

healing child

Instructions:

When you arrive at the template, you’ll see very brief instructions followed by a series of prompts. Beneath each prompt is space for you to type your answers directly into the template.

Above the prompts is a space to insert your email address. You’ll do this so the template can automatically email journal entries to you. Your privacy is our priority. We will never share your email address with anyone.

The most important element in your journaling activity is your mindset. Here are mindsets to avoid:

Intellectual. This isn’t an intellectual exercise.

Resistant. Be open to any thoughts and feelings that come to mind. This isn’t a search for objective truth and it is not a place to skepticism or resistance.

Critical. Never criticize yourself for opening up to these kinds of explorations.

Here are some mindsets to embrace:

Mostly, an open-minded, mindful exploration is best. To put it simply, write your responses with your heart. You can evaluate later!

All set? Access your template here.

We’d love to learn from your experience when you join our Facebook group!

What is my Future? Techniques to Understand What’s in Store for You

Topic: What is my future

I get it. I used to sit around asking myself that same question. What is my future? Where will I end up? Will my hopes and dreams come true?

Can you know your future? Yes and no. Let’s be real. Asking what is my future certainly means you can conceive of your future. However, nobody can know your future, including you.

Even prophets and sages and seers and crystal ball gazers don’t know. There are people who swear by psychics, but in the end, confirmation bias is responsible for their ‘success.’

There are much better ways to deal with the old what is my future conundrum.

Here’s the logic to use to set yourself up to get the future you want…

You should create your own confirmation bias. In other words, turn your future into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

 

This Simple Shift in Perspective Melts Your Worries